


Countdown

by Smaugthesilver



Series: Character studies [1]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Becoming The Mask, Bullying, Character Study, Come on, Drabbles (Kind of), Even though i love lawlight, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kinda, Light Has Serious Problems, Masks, Maybe - Freeform, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, NOT lawlight, Reasons why light became kira, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Song fic, five of them, kids!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 02:31:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11198598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smaugthesilver/pseuds/Smaugthesilver
Summary: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Kira. Five reasons a straight A student with a loving family and lots of friends may have become Kira.





	Countdown

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!

  
**Within the spreading darkness, we exchanged vows of revolution**  
**A flower of evil sprouted because it was loved**  
**Because I won’t let anyone interfere**  
**with everything that will come about from now on**

  
_"Give it back, Takeshi!" Raito jumped as high as he could in the air, but it was no good._

_"Oh, the boy boffin wants his bag back?"_

_As Raito jumped, the distance between him and his bag seemed to grow and warp. Soon he barley reached Takeshi's knees. Red glowing eyes laughed at him from the smug piggy face._

_Funny, he thought, I don't remember Takeshi having eyes like that..._  
_And so it is he falls._

**The fruit told of the future**  
**The city has forgotten reasoning**  
**The present time is distorted black**  
**I turn dreams into ideals**  
**5**

Light looks around, and all he can see is his friend, standing there doing nothing, and he wants to beg and plead with him, Yamato, please not you too, (Stay with me...)

Yamato turns away: the fifth friend to do so.

(Raito's heart breaks a little more each time.)

_Sniggers break out all around him._

_"Thinks he so much better than us."_  
_"Just cause you're a suck-up and a teacher's pet"_  
_"Yeah. He should just go and die. I mean, seriously, who'd even want to friends with someone like him?"_

_Tears streaking his face and despite everything, he can't hear, can't see, all he can do is feel, feel painfearhatehope nononono..._

_Dirt. Dust. On his face, on his hair, on his clothes, on his specially washed and ironed uniform._

_And all he thinks, though all the hate and pain and fear was that there must be something wrong with him that makes him unlovable._  
**-**  
**Why? Am I a broken Messiah?**  
**Everyone wished for a “finale”…**

**4**  
"Mum, why isn't dad here?"

A soft sigh.

"Raito."

Gentle. Reprimanding, maybe, but understanding.

"You know your father is a very important man. You should be glad he is out there helping people."

Silence.

"I know, I was just hoping that since-"

His voice chokes up.

_Since it's my birthday_. He almost says, but he doesn't because that's ungrateful and oh _god_ he tries so hard not to be ungrateful, but it’s so _hard_ he wants so _much_ to not be so selfish and ungrateful.

( _Light_ , his father had said on that fatefull day he'd pulled Light to the side after he'd been complaining about him being away too much, _It's my job to protect the world from evil people who would destroy it._

A pause. A sigh.

_Just as it will be your job one day too._ )

Protect the innocent. He can do that. Protect the innocent from the evil. He can- he can - he- _must_.

_(No need to be so ungrateful, Light-kun)_  
-

**Within the spreading darkness, we exchanged vows of revolution**  
**A flower of evil sprouted because it was loved**  
**I won’t let anyone interfere**  
**with everything that will come about from now on**  
**3**  
Carefully, Raito checks his appearance in the mirror one more time.

His hair is perfectly styled, swept slight to the right just as he has seen the fashionable boys doing. His face is flawless, his clothes are immaculate. His shoulders have broadened in the past few years.

He looks handsome, perfect. Nothing about him gives any indication of the dark inside him. The bitter, cynical forever prodding, forever belittling voice that won't leave him alone.

_You have no friends. Why would someone want to be friends with you?_

Perfect. He thinks, smoothing his uniform down. _Perfect_.

_No screw ups. Perfect, handsome, kind, protector._

_Remember. Smile first, slightly nervous. 'Hi. I'm new here.'_  
_Grin ruefully._  
_'My name's Yagami Raito. What's yours?'_  
_Start small. Don’t get overconfident. Be kind, confident. Don't read books all the time, be happy, smile, but not all the time._

Raito smiles.

(It's not a happy smile: the last time he smiled like that was years ago. It's the smile of soilder going into a war they hope to die in.)

A mask is born.

(Hi! My name's Yagami Raito. What's yours?)  
-

**Someday, I’ll show you**  
**a shining sky**  
**2**  
What is the point of life?

What is the point of living, day after day, only to return to nothing?

What is the point of living your entire life behind a mask?

Light has pretended to be someone else for so long, he's loosing himself.

His mask is consuming him.

(Blood drips down his wrist.)

Pain flows hate flows, and for a wonderfull glorious moment he lives.

But life is fleeting, and sanity even more so.

_(What is the point of making yourself a mask if no one will ever love what it beneath it?)_

He walks and talks, but inside he is already dead.

_(Sometimes, at night, Raito cries.)_  
-

**Why? Am I a broken Messiah?**  
**Everyone dreamt of a “paradise”…**

**1**  
He's invincible.

Nothing and no one can hurt him now.

(No one can hurt the dead)

He's alive, he's on fire, he's burning and glowing with such fire that it's a wonder everyone doesn't see it.

(Blind fools, he tells himself, and the voice that he has tried to ignore for so long has come back.)

(He's become what he hated most, and for a moment he hates himself.)

But he's perfect now, just like everyone always wanted to him to be. He's perfect, finally, and when he cleanses the world of all that is bad, they'll understand, they have to because _dad, don't you understand dad..._

(Kira is justice)

_I won't hurt the innoncent, dad, honest dad, I won't..._

But now his Perfection is crumbling around him and ohgodohgodohgod no no no he can't take it anymore.

(Sometimes he will forget the promise he made to the broken pedestel)

Suddenly he's scared-hurt-angry because L is taking away his perfection and he's dying again in blaze of light.

(Reborn eyes open brilliant red.)

5

  
4

  
3

  
2

  
1

 

  
**Within the spreading darkness, we exchanged vows of revolution**  
**A flower of evil sprouted because it was loved**  
**Because I won’t let anyone interfere**  
**with everything that will come about from now on**  
**-**  
**KIRA**  
**-**

**Someday, I’ll show you**  
**a shining world**

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you think? Do I need to explain it better?


End file.
